OOPS! I fell off the grid. How OLIVIA of me.
That said, I've been writing a shit-ton, just not for myself which I promptly realized at 4 am last night while staring into my dog's asshole as he slept soundly on the cool side of my pillow.
So, SHE'S BACK! AGAIN!
And I want to give you advice on how to dress. Want to know my qualifications? Here they are:
- I've been writing about clothes and beauty for 5 years for lots and lots of publications.
- I have been often told that I dress "confidently" and "like a total freak" but that I am also "good at shopping."
- Sometimes people ask me to clean out their closets. I've never done it, but if they offered to pay, I would.
- Once I had a clothing column that got hundreds of comments until I told them I didn't find them interesting anymore. They revolted and called me a "privileged brat" and I had to write an apology which the commenters then told me was a "perfect apology."
- I don't believe in "dressing your age", "being appropriate" or "capsule collections" so pretty much everything is fair game if you want it to be.
- Once Aaron Carter told me I had bags under my eyes because I smoked. Look who came out on top...
See?! MAD qualifications!
Let's see how this goes and everybody say a little prayer that I don't get harassed by that troll who sends me photos of his vagina butt asking about tight pants.